“Helping others isn’t a chore; it is one of the greatest gifts there is.” – Liya Kebede
I’m not even going to go into what a remiss blogger I have been. It’s old hat. I could blame it all on RL but I am not going to. I just haven’t felt like it at times even. Maybe I have gotten to a point where I don’t care anymore. I feel that I have achieved what I wanted to achieve in terms of my little place in the SL Fashion world, who knows. I also like to pontificate, whine, bitch, complain, spout or whatever you want to call it on my blog. But being threatened to get removed from a group I love definitely does light the proverbial fire under my ass to get a post out. (Blows a big kiss to Spirit Llewellyn). Doing this post, which contains two new group gifts from two stores – ghee and PurpleMoon Creations (two of my faves), it had me thinking about gifts – not just the physical ones and how often we take what are gifts for granted.
Of course there are group gifts, which as someone who has worked the retail side of SL, I always am amazed by how many people feel entitled to them. A group gift is a token of appreciation from the designer to their loyal fan base for shopping at the store (most of the time). As someone who started her blog doing almost nothing BUT group gifts and hunt freebies, I was always very appreciative of those, especially the groups that were free or low cost to join. But I also appreciate the designers who up their group joining fee when a group gift does come out. Many designers spend just as much time on their group gifts as they do the items they put up for sale. I see nothing wrong in upping the group joining fee during the time a group gift comes out. No one is ENTITLED to a group gift. And that’s where my thinking veered off into Bellaland.
In both lives I am shocked, disgusted and amazed at the sense of entitlement some people have. In regards to physical gifts and also in regards to gifts in a larger sense of the word – especially time. Now I could go into RL examples here, but I think for this post I am going to keep it strictly SL. SL for many is an escape. A time where they can relax and not have to deal with the pressures of RL. There are many who come to SL to work, I am not talking about people like me who work on SL to earn money to use in SL, but people who earn their RL income through SecondLife. (They are few and far between but they do exist). I have had many people in SL gift me with their time in showing me how to do things. I have also had people in SL gift me with “physical” items (as physical as an item can be in a virtual world). I am highly appreciative of both. I have been humbled and grateful of both and I have also gifted people with my time as well as physical items. They are gifts, something I have been happy to give. And here is where I see an issue…a gift is a gift…something you give to someone else cause you want to. Cause you enjoy doing it, cause you love to help people, NOT because you expect anything in return. Too often, especially with the gift of time, I feel that people expect something in return other than genuine gratitude. They expect groveling, servitude etc.
If I decide to gift someone with my time in helping them, that is a choice *I* have made. I normally do it with absolutely NO expectation of ANYTHING in return. A gift is NOT a quid pro quo. That would be a favor. Like most humans, if I do help someone and in the future I find I need their assistance, yes, there is a certain level of expectancy that they will help me, but if they can’t, they can’t. They in fact, owe me nothing. I helped them cause I wanted to. If you help someone cause you expect something, you are always going to end up being disappointed and ultimately bitter. How do I know that? I used to be that way. Then I grew up and realized life doesn’t work that way. I can not control other people, I can only control myself and my reactions to them. I learned that some people do NOT deserve the gift of my time. I have learned that sometimes I have to spend time doing something for someone that I know will not be grateful. (That’s where you earn Karma Points). I have also learned I do not HAVE to gift ANYONE with my time. It is still something I work on every single day, I am not a perfect person though I am perfectly me. I just find more and more people, especially in the SL Blogging world more specifically, who have this gross sense of entitlement. I blog your stuff so you owe me (um, you’re a blogger, it’s your “job” for a better word so do it – blogging FYI is NOT critiquing ), I showed you how to do this, so you owe me. No, I don’t. Nor does anyone else owe you anything.
As bloggers, especially those of us with a following, no matter how big or small, we have a platform to pontificate and to get our opinions out there. With that comes a responsibility. With social media being more ingrained into the SL experience more and more people without blogs can voice their opinions, but still with that comes responsibility. I have learned to sit back when I am heated for this reason and take a moment. Why do I feel that way? I learn from the experience and move on. I continue to gift people with my time cause I enjoy doing it. It feeds are part of my soul. Give a gift of yourself cause it makes YOU feel good, not because you are being dishonest and eventually want something from someone else.
I am wearing both outfits OVER the Maitreya Lara v 3.3 Mesh Body
From Ghee (First Two Pictures)
Hair – Li in Blacks – Analog Dog
Lipstick – Matte Lipstick Magenta 1 – MUA
Necklace – Leilani Falls Necklace – Moondance Boutique @ FashionTropic
Neck Tattoo – Dark Shadows in Normal – White Widow
Dress – Summer Swirl Halter Maxi Dress – Ghee (VIP Group Gift)
Sim – Private Parcel of Blogger
From PurpleMoon Creations (Last Two Pictures)
Hair – Counting Stars Fantasy Pack 1 – Exile
Lipstick – Matte Lipstick Magenta 1 – MUA
Tikkia and Nosering – Esmerelda – Maxi Gossamer (old Uber Round)
Necklace – Esmerelda – Maxi Gossamer (old Uber Round)
Outfit – Montse Jumpsuit in Black (with removable sleeves) – PurpleMoon Creations (Group Gift)
Shoes – Saphire Heels – Hilly Haalan
Sim – Bryn Oh’s Lobby Cam
Poses for all pictures except #3 – Di’s Opera (Refined and Posing Series — NEW)
Pose for Pic #3 – Spartan 6 – Diesel Works
Attitude – 110% NYC