“O, what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive!” – Sir Walter Scott
“Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” – Lord Acton
I would think almost everyone in SL…hell, everyone in life has made the mistake of trusting the wrong person or people. I am sure at some point in all our lives someone has felt that way about us. What the difference is, between dropping the ball and letting someone down and the people I am talking about is intent. There are so many people, especially in SL, who live to deceive others. They are usually the people I have mentioned in my blog post Understandably Incomprehensible. But when these kinds of people get a little bit of power over something, they take that as having power over people. And that is where the drama begins. I have gotten really good at spotting these kinds of people in SL and I have no issue walking away from them. There is no title I want so badly, no designer I want to blog for so much, no man that I want to be with, that I will allow myself to be treated in such a way…anymore. I did the forgive and forget thing for a long time. I still do the forgiveness part. After all, forgiving someone is not for them, it is for me. One of my favorite quotes goes something like “Staying angry is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die”. Morbid, perhaps, but right on the money.
What happens though when you see a friend, especially a new friend, get involved with people you know to be less than scrupulous? That has happened with me recently. I feel like it’s easier to sit down someone you have known longer and be bluntly honest with them. Sometimes you need for them to figure things out themselves. But with people who I have a newer relationship with, it’s harder for me. I have learned, and it is extremely difficult for me cause I hate for anyone to be hurt or be taken advantage of, that you have to sit back and let people make their own decisions and choices about people. I have a wonderful amazing friend who does that with me. Once she revealed that to me, the respect that I had for her grew tenfold. I jokingly say to her now “Do we like them?” and she is now honest with her opinion about things and people, but ONLY if I ask. I recently had a situation like that in my life. Where I knew a person wasn’t the most up and up, and a new acquaintance (now friend) was getting involved with them (business, not romantic). I knew that I had a choice — say something and perhaps come off looking like a drama mongering crazy, or sit back and just watch from a distance and let the person make their own decisions. I knew in this one case, I was NOT wrong in how I felt and how I perceived the situation to be, and in the end, it turned out exactly how I knew it would.
Most of us, when we first get into something in SL, for some reason, regardless of how well adjusted we are in RL, believe that someone can hurt us in our pursuits. The two big communities that I have fully immersed myself in in Second Life have been Bloodlines and the fashion world. I had/have been fairly successful in both, in Bloodlines climbing to the ranks of Liaison and in fashion I like to think I have a blog 5 or so people enjoy, I have an opinion that is respected amongst my peers and I have the great honor of having worked for one of the biggest female fashion houses in second life for over 4 years now. I also have a talent for bringing people together who don’t know each other but who can fulfill a need each has. I have left the world of Bloodlines far behind me after much drama…a lot of it at the end my own doing. (When you resign as a liaison cause you honestly don’t enjoy it and then go back on an alt for the sole purpose of pissing someone else off, what do you expect – got caught up in my own web). As you become more comfortable in your own pixels though, you realize (unless you are a complete and total martyr) that the ONLY person who can hurt your aspirations is you. Most people in SL judge you based on your own work, your own words and not what others tell them about you. There are models out there who have HORRIBLE reputations, but for some reason, they consistently work. Why? More than likely they are good at what they do, they are professional and get the job done. I am not gonna lie and say some don’t get a head by some sucking up, but that is neither here nor there.
This friend of mine is an extremely intelligent and mature woman and I really enjoy knowing her and watching her grow as a model and stylist. She just totally ran with it and is good at it! She is a hard worker and unfortunately just got in with the wrong group, not knowing anything otherwise. She has since learned and has walked away from this highly toxic environment. I am extremely lucky that I have amazing friends, who when I asked “Can you get into XXXXX box and just let her know that she’s going to be ok”, they did it. One of the people was someone I knew XXXX admired and it made me giggles when she had the conversation, as I was the same way when I first met this person. During this whole little episode I had a conversation with a sister of mine who is a designer and she was telling me about a model who once again, due to their own actions, screwed up their chances royally at something. This is what got me thinking about this entire topic.
And this is my message to anyone new in SL or new to the SL fashion world. No one can hurt you from becoming whatever you want to become in SL except you. Your words and your actions define what you are. Now unfortunately being associated with a group or a certain agency MAY hurt you with some people, but that can be easily fixed if you work hard and show that you are NOT that entity. There will be people who will say “Yes, they were with them, but you know what, they are nothing like so and so the owner, I think you should hire them” and more often than not, that persons words has more weight than that bad association.
Hair – Mode in Blacks – Analog Dog
Eyeshadow – Magnetic in Carbon – MUA
Lipstick – Fem in Red – MUA
Jewelry – Blume Yellow Complete Set – Lazuri**
Dress – Courtney Maxi Dress – Legendaire**
Poses – Di’s Opera
Hair – Windsong in Black – Exile
Eyeshadow – Magnetic in Brazil – MUA
Lipstick – Dee – MUA
Necklace – from the Scarlett Dress in Blossom – Gizza Creations**
Earrings – Ashira – Maxi Gossamer
Bracelet – Athena in Gold – Maxi Gossamer
Ring – Boho Giant – Maxi Gossamer
Dress – Didi – Legendaire**
Poses – Di’s Opera
** Denotes Review Copies**