Comfortable

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. – Neale Donald Walsch

I tend to be a very black and white kind of person. Even though it is not possible, I tend to put things and people in my life, including myself, into very nice little boxes.  Relationships are clear cut. There are the do’s and the don’ts. Right and wrong. No “50 shades of gray” (Pardon my bad pun) for me normally.  What this has done has left me feeling jealous of people that do take chances, who do explore, who do push their own boundaries and limits. I have been told I am a strong woman, a courageous woman, but I am really not.  I rarely take chances unless I’m pretty sure I am going to succeed or get what I want. And also if it’s not going to change the status quo too much. Recently something happened to me in SL, that changed all that.  This is one of the few times that I am not going to go into details of the situation as it is highly personal. I took a chance on doing something.  When the opportunity originally presented itself to me, I literally freaked out. I made the situation much more serious that it actually was. Or more to the point, what the consequences of the situation could have been much more serious.  For one simple reason – I didn’t trust.  Not those involved and not myself.
I have stated before that I am not, by nature, a really trusting person. Doing a lot of self reflection lately, both in and out of world, I realize it’s cause I am not always truthful.  And when I say that I don’t mean I tell lies….so to speak.  But I want to make others happy so badly, that I will not be truthful about how *I* feel regarding something. It has left me bitter and resentful on more than one occasion.  Because of this, I think others are the same way. That they say things to only make others happy.  I learned last night that this was not the case. Someone very close to me, a sister, not only was truthful for herself but also for me. She wanted me to be happy and I took a leap and I did it. It was outside of my comfort zone. It wasn’t just outside of my comfort zone it was in another COUNTRY than my comfort zone (and i’m not talking Canada or Mexico) After the event occurred, I thought that would be the end of our relationship, that I would be hanging my head in shame, feeling more alone that I have been, which I didn’t think was possible.  In the end, I felt freer. Not only that but I feel closer to this person than I have ever. It did not change who I am, it did not make me a whole other person. More importantly, I did not think any less of myself after the event.

What it did make me feel was silly.  Silly for overreacting, for once again being the one person who stands in my way of my own growth, my own happiness. Yes, there are times when I will step out of my comfort zone and things will backfire. Things will not work out. But that’s life.  That is living. It has also made me realize that another situation that I am is NOT working for me and it has given me the courage to walk away from it before it becomes toxic for me.  So it begs the question – am I ready to translate this event, this taking of a chance, into other aspects of my SL and even my RL?  Am I brave enough to stop existing and start living?

 

Hat – Crimson in Black (Bow made transparent) – Lode
Hair – Val in Blacks – Analog Dog
Necklace – Pearl Rain Season 3 Choker Set in Black – Mandala @ Shiny Shabby
Dress – Miss Dotty – Whimsical Imaginarium @ The Couturier’s Dock’s (only 31 left as of publishing) **LIMITED EDITION**
Poses by Di’s Opera